Not Broken
by Blaine-loves-Kurt
Summary: Blangst Prompt #1018 Blaine misinterprets what Kurt meant by 'exhausting'


A/N: I saw the prompt and my first thought was 'I need to fix it. Break it, then fix it'

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"Have you noticed how exhausting it's been ever since you moved back in?"

Blaine's heart plunged into his stomach filling it with a sense of dread. His ears started buzzing as his breathing got slightly labored.

_Exhausting since you moved back in._

Weren't those his father's exact words halfway through his junior year?

_You're exhausting, Blaine. Why don't you just pick a school and stick with it?_

Those words spoken November of his Senior year when he wanted to transfer back to Dalton.

_Exhausting_

_Nuisance_

_Irritating_

_Why can't you be normal for once?_

His father had been right all along. He'd always tried to brush it off, but stay out of the way. But Kurt's confirmation was enough to convince him. He was an irritating nuisance to everyone around him. Still he couldn't lose Kurt.

He hadn't heard the rest of what Kurt had said, but he was quick to apologize and take all the blame regardless. "You're right. I've been making things difficult for no reason. I'm sorry."

He looked up and to the side staring at the rain falling from the sky. It seemed rather fitting that a revelation like this would come on such a dreary day. It was like the city was crying the tears that he couldn't shed just yet.

"Could we just eat and go home? I've had a long day."

Thankfully Kurt didn't object. But Blaine stay silent unless spoken to for the rest of the meal.

When they got home, Blaine took a quick shower. He usually took one in the morning, sometimes with Kurt. But those times were dwindling as their workload from school became more challenging and extra time started disappearing.

Blaine finally let his tears fall as he cleaned his body, letting his pain wash down the drain like it was never there.

When he finished, he wiped away his tears and dried off. He walked over to the curtain that blocked off their bedroom and got dressed in a pair of pajamas he knew Kurt had no opinion of. It was easier this way. Nothing for him to criticize or comment on.

He notice Kurt was in the living room watching one of the Real Housewives. Normally he would go watch with him or at least tell him to turn it down since it was so loud. But no, he wouldn't bother Kurt. He'd just be showing how exhausting it was to have him near. Instead he climbed into bed and closed his eye waiting for his dreams to come as he internally cursed the sound of the tv. Eventually he drifted off and was barely awoken when Kurt came in a few hours later.

For the next few weeks Blaine stuck to a schedule: Wake up before Kurt. Get dressed and ready for the day. Make breakfast and eat before leaving a note on the table for Kurt telling him there's food waiting for him in the microwave. He knew that might bother Kurt, but he couldn't fight the urge to at least try to take care of Kurt like he deserved in one small way.

Next he'd rush out the door silently at the sound of Kurt waking up. He'd catch an early train to school and sit in a nearby coffee shop until 10 minutes before Kurt's regular train was due to arrive at the stop across the street. He'd go to all his classes and try to be as inconspicuous as it was possible in a performing arts school. In the classes he had with Kurt, he made sure to choose someone else to work with, pushing down all feelings of hurt as he watched Kurt being the shining star of the class. Kurt didn't need him screwing that up.

Once he was done for the day, he either head to the diner for work, or to the school library to work on any quiet assignments. Any performance pieces he saved for later in the night, when less people were around. That way he wasn't a nuisance to them either.

Around 11 pm when he started to get too tired to stay out, he'd catch a late train home. take a shower and cry himself to sleep in Rachel's old bedroom.

He'd realized after the first night that he'd been imposing on Kurt by sleeping in his bed. After all Kurt did buy it when he came to New York. Blaine had no claim to it, especially when Rachel had left a perfectly good bed behind.

On weekends, or day without school or work, Blaine wandered the city aimlessly. He'd just take a train and hop off at any spot of his choosing to explore a city he wasn't absolutely sure he belonged in anymore.

Fifteen days into his self imposed schedule, he hit a snag in the form of an angry Kurt Hummel. He stood in their living room with his arms crossed as Blaine tried to sneak in through the door a little later than usual.

"Are you cheating on me?" Kurt demanded tapping his foot impatiently.

"What? No!" Blaine told him defensively, holding back his hurt feelings and the question of why Kurt would ever think he'd do that again.

"You're lying. There's no other explanation. I haven't seen you for two weeks, Blaine! Dani hasn't seen you since your shift a week ago!"

"We work different hours." Blaine explained trying to keep his sass and the growing feeling of dread under control.

"And why is that, Blaine? Is it because you've been trading people for the night shift, except on nights I work?" Kurt glared "Don't try to deny it, Blaine. I know you have."

Blaine looked up at the ceiling sucking down a sob he felt forming in his throat, but didn't answer.

"Did you get tired of us fighting all the time and decided to stray?" Kurt accused meanly

Suddenly Blaine resolve broke and he let out a whine much like a wounded animal. "Never! I'm just trying to-" The rest came out a jumbled mess covered by the sound of his sobs. Blaine turn and ran to Rachel's old room, closing the curtain behind him knowing it wouldn't be any use if Kurt followed him. He collapsed on the bed crying into the pillows as his heart laid shattered in his chest..

Kurt stood gaping at the spot Blaine had been in thirty seconds before, his anger melting away replaced with guilt. Maybe he'd been wrong, but all signs seem to lead to that conclusion.

Blaine hadn't sleep in their bed since the night after they'd gone to restaurant. Blaine didn't annoy him with little requests in the morning when he was getting ready. In fact, Blaine wasn't even there. Blaine didn't try to partner with him in class. He didn't even ask him when he had a question. And he left immediately after the teacher dismissed them, not even waiting for Kurt to finish packing up. He didn't try to trade days with anyone to work beside Kurt at the diner, in fact he seemed to be doing the exact opposite. And when Dani questioned Blaine for him about it, Blaine set his schedule so he didn't work with her either. He was doing everything he could to avoid Kurt, even going as far as coming home right before midnight every day even though he was gone by 6:30 am when Kurt woke up the next day. He had to be sleeping and eating somewhere else. And most importantly with someone else.

Blaine was a very tactile person and he'd never gone this long without touching anyone. He was avoiding Kurt and Dani. He'd called Elliott and he hadn't seen him since they lasted visited his apartment. And the rest of their friends were gone. It was only logical that Kurt would be suspicious.

Kurt took a deep breath steeling himself to go comfort Blaine, regardless of what he suspected. Blaine's sobs were heart wrenching in a way he hadn't heard since he woke up in the hospital after saving someone from being bashed.

Kurt walked into the curtained off area to find Blaine in the foetal position crying into a pillow. His heart clenched unpleasantly at seeing Blaine in such a state because of him. "Honey, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have accused you doing of that."

"No" Blaine sobbed out barely audible through the tears and the pillow pressed to his face. "try so hard and I still screw it all up!"

"Oh honey, maybe if you just explain what's wrong-" Kurt started sitting down on the bed and rubbing Blaine's back gently.

"m sorry." Blaine muttered rolling away from Kurt's touch still crying "I'll go live with Cooper. I'll be better."

Kurt blinked in surprise as Blaine ran from his touch, but his heart stopped when Blaine mentioned Cooper.

He'd thought he'd had enough a few weeks ago, but these two weeks had shown him exactly how much that wasn't true. That he didn't want to live without Blaine. Yes they fought a lot, but as his father very annoyingly assured him when he told him Blaine was avoiding him a week and a half ago, all couples fought. Hell he and his dad fought for years neither one of them understanding the others point of view. But he still loved his dad and his dad loved him. It just took work for both sides. Work he'd slowly realized Blaine had been putting in and he hadn't. He'd never noticed, because those were things Blaine just did. He'd taken him for granted.

And now what? Blaine was leaving him. Blaine who he'd never doubt for a second loved him, wanted to leave. He'd seriously screwed up. He should have asked for a break sooner. Maybe spend a few days apart so they could both get some perspective. So he'd realize what he'd been doing sooner. He'd never thought he'd lose Blaine. That Blaine would one day get sick of it and give up.

Words from a few months back appeared in the forefront of his mind.

_One day you're going to wake up and realize 'I don't love him anymore'_

"No no no no no. God please Blaine?" Kurt begged his voice breaking as tears formed in his own eyes as well. "Don't" Kurt trailed off not knowing exactly what he was asking for. Don't break my heart? Don't give up on us? On our life together? Or leave me all alone in this empty apartment? In this city that was suppose to be both our dreams, but just seems to be hurting us?

No, he realized that wasn't it. He was trying to will Blaine to keep loving him. To have never stopped.

Blaine sucked in a loud sob, wiping his eyes with a new resolve when he realized he did have a temporary fix to the problem. If he went, Kurt would definitely want to call off the engagement. He'd probably want to find someone who wasn't constantly bothering him with their stupid issues and didn't get annoyed about him leaving the cap off the toothpaste or a dish in the sink. He'd tried so hard to stop all of it, but apparently even not being in the apartment pissed him off. So they'd call off their engagement, if it wasn't already off. Blaine didn't have the willpower to check if Kurt had removed the ring. It would hurt to much too see he had.

He'd call it off on his own terms and go live with Cooper for awhile. His brother was more annoying than even he was. He wouldn't take issue with Blaine would he? Either way he'd have to try. He'd go to LA, get a job as an extra or something small and work his way up the ranks in Hollywood, hopefully not as slow as Cooper. And one day in the future he'll be a star and hopefully Kurt will be single. Maybe then Kurt could look past all his annoying flaws, if he could provide him with the life of fame and luxury Kurt deserved.

But he'd need to become a rising star fast to get that. Everyone knew now that Rachel Berry was gone, Kurt was the next star of Mckinley who'd find their names up in lights in New York City.

"I- I should call Cooper." Blaine told him defeated wiping away his tears and trying to put on brave face. He took a deep calming breath and pulled out his phone. "If you don't mind, I'd uh like to be alone."

Kurt reached out quickly snatching the phone out of his hands. "No!"

Blaine closed his eyes taking another calming breath before opening them again "Kurt, give me my phone."

Kurt stood up fast backing away. "No, you're not calling your brother. And- and you're not leaving Blaine." He told him a little irrationally, tears streaming down his face. "You can't."

"Kurt, I'm trying to make it easier on both of us. Just give me my phone." Blaine reasoned his shoulder sullen.

"No. You can't leave. I won't let you."

"Kurt, if you don't give me my phone I'll just go get yours and then I'll have to explain to him why I'm using yours. Do you really want that?" Blaine pushed

"Of course I don't want that Blaine! I don't want you calling him at all. We can work on this. I know I'm an idiot, I know I should've tried harder. But I want to try" Kurt confessed desperately as he wiped a tear out his eye "Please Blaine?"

Blaine let out a frustrated sigh, still not looking at Kurt "That's the problem! You even shouldn't have too!" Blaine walked past Kurt quickly, trying to get Kurt's phone.

"Why should you have to try and I- I don't?" Kurt demanded his hands on his hips unimpressed with Blaine's dismissal. His display lost some of it's power considering his cheeks were still wet with tear. But he would not lose him over something as stupid as a fight. He couldn't, he knew that now. And if that meant looking a little ridiculous in front of the best thing that ever happened to him, so be it.

Blaine froze at Kurt's words, his shoulders drooping in absolute defeat as he turned around to face Kurt. "Because I don't find _you_ exhausting or a nuisance. I actually want to be around you. But I guess that just makes me even more irritating."

"What are you- Don't be ridicu-" Kurt eyes widened in alarm as the conversation they'd had just before Blaine started acting weird ran through his head.

"Oh honey." Kurt sighed disappointed in himself. He knew Blaine was touchy with those words and he'd still used them as fuel, throwing them in his face. He probably would have gone farther if Blaine hadn't so readily apologized. And for what? He was late for dinner. But he had a perfectly good reason. Why couldn't he have just accepted it instead of picking a fight? What was wrong with him that he was so ready to hurt Blaine without a thought?

"Blaine?" Kurt asked nervously and finally Blaine's eyes found his. "Honey, I didn't mean you were exhausting. Just how we fight all the time."

"Then why do you do it?" Blaine asked some of his sass finally coming back.

"What? What do you mean?"

"You start most of our fights, Kurt. Like now, I was trying to give you space. And then I come home to you making outrageously hurtful claims."

"I haven't seen you in two weeks! What am I suppose to think when you're avoiding everyone I could possibly come in contact with? Even the barista at our coffee place told me, you'd been leaving exactly 12 minutes before I got there everyday!"

"I was giving you space because you thought I was exhausting."

"I don't, Blaine. I really don't" Kurt confessed weakly "This is has been the hardest two weeks of my life since before thanksgiving of when we broke up. I don't like sleeping without you, Blaine. Our bed is freezing without my human heater. I don't like waking up in the morning with you not there. Or taking a shower without hearing you humming on the other side of the curtain. I don't like eating breakfast without you there to try to get me to sing with you for no reason except that you're happy. I hate taking the train alone. There's no one there to steady me when the train lurches. I especially hate drinking my coffee without you. Its too bitter without you there to get me to experiment with spices. Classes are so boring without hearing my phone buzz with a text from you commenting on some silly thing you noticed about the teacher or one of the other students. And the diner, Blaine. Gunther is getting irritated by how many people I had to turned down because they wanted a duet with you. Then I'd come home at the end of the day and you wouldn't even be here! I tried staying up the first few nights, then I realized you were doing it on purpose. I couldn't figure out why and then you started avoiding Dani too. I got it into my head they you were hiding something. I don't even know why? Every morning I'd wake up and you weren't there. It made it seem more and more real. And I know I'm an idiot, I don't know why I do the stupid thing I do. But I do know that I love you so much Blaine. And I can't lose you. Because living without you is a life devoid of sunshine and happiness."

Kurt gasped as Blaine mouth was suddenly on his. He felt Blaine's hands come up to cup his face and Kurt pulled Blaine's body into his. He deepened the kiss, his body still tingling all the way to his toes, even after all this time.

"I'm sorry for avoiding you" Blaine whispered against his lips, pressing another quick kiss to Kurt's lips as he pulled away. "You just hit a nerve a guess."

"No, I'm sorry. I should think more about what I'm saying." Kurt apologized a smile slowly appearing on his face as he held Blaine close, resting his head against Blaine. "That being said, don't get mad. But I think the time might have been exactly what we needed. Certainly not as drastic, but just a little alone time. Everyone else left, we don't really have much buffer of friends to spend our time with. So we're spending it all with each other. It's like my dad and I before the New Directions. We used to fight over the stupidest of things. He once took away my car because he didn't like the type of sweaters I wore."

Blaine let out a small snort of laughter.

"I'm serious, Blaine! It was complete madness."

"I believe you." Blaine laughed and took Kurt's hand leading him to the couch to sit down. "And I guess you're right. I don't think I've been to the comic book store since Sam left." Blaine blinked in realization. "Oh wow. I haven't been to the comic store since Sam left. How did that happen? I'm so far behind!"

"You and your dorky comic books." Kurt shook his head in fond exasperation, which turned into a reluctant frown as a thought occurred to him. "Honey?"

Blaine hummed closing his eyes as he relaxed.

"I'm concerned about how… readily you were to leave and go live with Cooper." Kurt worried "Or why you think so little of yourself, that you'd really think you were a nuisance to your finace. I'm not your father, Blaine. And I'd never treat you the way he does."

Blaine nodded ashamed. "I know that, I mean of course I know that. But you've been so mad at me lately. And you didn't even seem happy about venue. I just wanted to make you happy again. I thought it was me. So if I remove myself from the situation, maybe I'd see you smile again. Even if it's not at me."

"That doesn't make sense, honey. We might fight, but you have to know that I love you. And you living 3000 miles away from me isn't going to make me happy. It would just make me miss you a lot and wonder what I could have done to make you stay."

Blaine nodded again "I'm sorry."

Kurt gathered Blaine into his arms, kissing his head. "It's okay. But I think maybe...Do you think we should use the counseling services at NYADA? This experience has been pretty eye opening to me." He sighed deeply "I feel ashamed for the way I treated you, Blaine. There was no reason I had to pick at that wound, but I still did it and got us both hurt." Kurt bit his lip and frowned "And it's a little scary how convinced you were that disappearing was the answer. That type of thinking takes you down a long dark road that leads to nothing good."

"It didn't really seem that way." Blaine muttered, but Kurt still heard him.

"Blaine, if you start to feel that way again you need to tell me. I'm being completely serious. If I can't handle you across the country from me, well…." Kurt trailed off sadly. He took a deep breath and started again. "Could you go to at least one session, if not for you, but for me? I can schedule it as the same time as mine. We'll go together"

"Okay" Blaine agreed softly "I'll try it. I still don't really get why you're upset about my thinking. But if it'll make you feel better, I'll go.

Notes:

Date: February 17, 2015

AU Prompt: "Have you noticed how exhausting it's been ever since you moved back in?" Blaine's ears rang. But instead of reacting in anger that night he just quietly apologies to Kurt ending the argument. After that Blaine becomes a virtual ghost in their apartment. Its not that hard considering he's had plenty of practice growing up. It just hurts that his Dad was right all along about him being a nuisance. Luckily he knows how to fix it. Live by the motto "Don't be seen, don't be heard."

A/N: Reviews are good for the writers soul


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